The roll of parents in the home
Ben Shropshire
I. INTRODUCTION
A. It's later than we think! We don't have much time left. I'm here to tell you that something is going to happen in the next few years that will affect the world in a way greater than almost anything else. It will not fail, and we cannot stop it.
1. There is a great host of people who are coming to take over our society, our culture, our governments, our schools, our churches, our businesses and, in
deed, every aspect of life as we know it.
B. We're not talking about Russia, Communist China or even the Islamic nations that seem to have such hatred for us.
1. Instead, we are talking about the children of our present
generation – the boys and girls and little babies in
our audience today, and millions of others like them.
2. They are going to be taking over and running things a lot
sooner than we think and maybe sooner than we
want. (Illustrate with my experience at Hazelwood.)
3. They are going to be our rulers and will be in control of
everything; what kind of rulers will we have –
good or bad, tyrants or dictators, lazy, careless, ignorant,
concerned and caring, wise and just, loving, patient, kind,
understanding or hateful, malicious, evil and inconsiderate?
a. We are making that determination right now.
b. They will be the kind of men and women we are now
training them to be.
c. They will be the kind of presidents, congress-
men and women, CEO's, teachers, generals, judges,
broadcasters and football players that
we are teaching them to be right now.
B. So, you see, there is nothing we can do to stop them, but
there is a great deal we can do now to prepare them for
the takeover.
C. Our responsibilities as parents, primarily, and, in a lesser
sense, as preachers, teachers, elders, and older Christians,
to the young in preparing them for the task ahead of them
is what our lesson today is all about.
II. THE ROLE OF PARENTS IN THE HOME
A. Some general observations about parenthood.
1. Being a parent is both a great blessing and a very
serious responsibility.
a. No one but the most callous and selfish person could
fail to recognize that children are a wonderful
blessing to parents.
(1) Gen. 33:5 – ¶ And he lifted his eyes and saw the women and children, and said, "Who are these with you?" So he said, "The children whom God has graciously given your servant."
(2) Gen. 48:9 – And Joseph said to his father, "They are my sons, whom God has given me in this place." And he said "Please bring them to me, and I will bless them."
(3) Isa. 8:18 – Here am I and the children whom the LORD has given me! We are for signs and wonders in Israel From the LORD of hosts, Who dwells in Mount Zion.
b. Indeed, children are a heritage from the Lord,
Psa. 127:3-5 – Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth.5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.
c. Parenthood, as is true of all blessings, imposes some responsibilities.
(1) A "gift from God" suggests a "sacred trust."
(2) In becoming parents we chose to be responsible for the lives, health, growth, minds and hearts of our offspring,
2 Cor. 12:14 – For what is it in which you were inferior to other churches, except that I myself was not burdensome to you? Forgive me this wrong!14 Now for the third time I am ready to come to you. And I will not be burdensome to you; for I do not seek yours, but you. For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children.
(3) It is relatively easy for a man and a woman to become parents; that is, to have biological offspring, but it is another and far more important matter to fulfill parental duties toward the children produced.
2. To many couples today children are a handicap and a hindrance to the pursuit of personal desires and a
thwarting of success in achieving career goals with the result that children and unloved and neglected.
3. Such are not the only children, though, who will be neglected or who will not receive the care and love they need.
a. Sometimes parents don't intend to neglect their children; they just get too busy!
b. Sometimes parents are not mature enough to realize what their children need.
c. Sometimes the husband and wife relationship is not what it should be, resulting in the
neglect of parental responsibilities.
d. Sometimes parents are unbalanced in parental responsibilities.
e. All of these problems can be seen in the families that are trying to serve God and really
want to do what is right.
f. This suggests that we need to be serious about parental responsibilities, and to give more attention to being good parents.
B. In spite of the very serious responsibilities of parenthood, the Bible provides us with relatively few specific rules governing The role that parents are to play.
C. The role of fathers in relationship to their children
1. Definition of "father"; "one who begets a child; the nearest male ancestor; a male parent and one who feeds and supports, or exercises paternal care over another."
2. A man who does not fulfill his responsibilities as a father is denying the faith, and is worse than an infidel,
1 Tim. 5:8 – But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
3. Bring a child into the world is a grave responsibility, including that of training the child for life.
a. Every child has a soul, made in the image of God,
Gen. 1:26 –27 ¶ Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth."27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
b. Every child born will spend eternity in either heaven or hell.
4. The father is to exercise rule over his family,
Gen. 18:19 – "For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD, to do righteousness and justice, that the LORD may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him."
a. 1 Tim. 3:4,5 – one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?);
Faithful children is a sign of a father ruling well
b. Titus 1:6 – ¶ if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination.
c. The father is to be the head of his wife,
1 Cor. 11:3 – But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
d. His children are to be in subjection to him, but such subjection is to be earned by the father's love, concern and care for them.
5. One of the best things a father can do for his children
is to love and cherish their mother,
Eph. 5:28,29 –So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
6. The father is to provide for his family's needs.
a. Many fathers indulge themselves in every selfish want, but neglect the needs of their wife and children.
b. On the other hand, some fathers are eager to give their children every possible material thing, but are unwilling to provide them with any of their time, love, care or interest.
c. Jesus was an example of a child whose needs were properly provided for,
Lk. 2:51,52 – Then He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them, but His mother kept all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.
7. Fathers are to nurture their children,
Eph. 6:4; And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Prov. 22:6 – ¶ Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
a. To nurture means to provide the "whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, and then reproof and punishment."
b. They are also to train their child in the admonition or exhortation "of the Lord."
(1) In harmony with the teaching of the Lord, Eph. 6:1 – 2 ¶ Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise:
(2) Deut. 6:5-7 – "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.6 "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
7. There are two limitations placed upon fathers in nurturing their children.
a. Eph. 6:4 – And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
(1) They are not to To irritate beyond measure
(2) They are not to make Unreasonable demands
(3) They should not be Correcting a child with obvious and
fierce anger, Prov. 15:1 – 2 ¶ A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 ¶ The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.(4) Excessive punishment, with a penalty too severe for the wrong done.
(5) Inconsistent rules and punishment
(6) The wrath produced by these will result in rebellion and unruly behavior.
b. Col. 3:21 – Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
(1) The same things that provoke some children to wrath stirs up resentment and discouragement in other children.
(2) Discouragement leads to a broken spirit (no initiative, no motivation, no self-respect)
(3) A child with a broken spirit may be more easily managed than a rebellious child, but the broken spirit will be just as detrimental in the long run.
(He won't be able to keep a job, will have difficulty relating to others, and may experience psychological problems.)
8. Fathers should chasten their children,
Heb. 12:5-11 –And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: "My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; 6 For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives."7 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.9 Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
a. Every father should chasten his children, v. 7.
b. For a child not to be disciplined by his father is the same as for him not to have a father, v. 8.
c. This will result in respect for the father, v. 9.
d. For the moment all discipline is difficult, for both the father and the child, but its ultimate goal makes it worthwhile and necessary, vs. 10.11.
e. Appropriate discipline is evidence of a father's love for his children, Prov. 13:24 –
¶ He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.f. Discipline – all phases of it; not just punishment – should begin early in life, 2 Tim. 1:5; when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also.
3:14,15 – But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them,15 and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
g. Discipline should be administered:
(1) With firmness, to make obedience advisable;
(2) With wisdom, to make obedience natural;
(3) With consistency, to make obedience uniform; and
(4) With love to make obedience pleasant.
9. The attitude of every father should be that which Manoah had, Judges 13:8-12 ¶ Then Manoah prayed to the LORD, and said, "O my Lord, please let the Man of God whom You sent come to us again and teach us what we shall do for the child who will be born."9 And God listened to the voice of Manoah, and the Angel of God came to the woman again as she was sitting in the field; but Manoah her husband was not with her.10 Then the woman ran in haste and told her husband, and said to him, "Look, the Man who came to me the other day has just now appeared to me!"11 So Manoah arose and followed his wife. When he came to the Man, he said to Him, "Are You the Man who spoke to this woman?" And He said, "I am."12 Manoah said, "Now let Your words come to pass! What will be the boy's rule of life, and his work?"
10. It would be good if we could be confident that God
would say about us as He did about Abraham, "For I
know him that he will command his children and his
household after him, and they shall keep the way of
the Lord" (Gen. 18:19).
D. The role of mothers in the home
1. While a woman's role in the home is one of subjection
to her husband, this is not to say that the woman's
role is inferior to or less important than the role of the
man.
a. Gal. 3:28 – There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
b. 1 Pet. 3:7 – Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
c. 1 Tim. 2:15 – Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.
2. The Bible exalts the role of a good wife and mother,
Prov. 31:10-31 – ¶ Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.13 She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands.14 She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar.15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants.16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard.17 She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms.18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night.19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle.20 She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants.25 Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.27 She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her:29 "Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all."30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.
a. The women's liberation movement, which denigrates the role of wife and mother is completely out of harmony with Bible teaching and it encourages deviation from the divinely or-
dained role of wives and mothers.
b. Its influences are being felt in the church today.
3. The role of a mother – from conception of the child until
its development to maturity – is naturally that of providing love,
care, attention, food, teaching, guidance and discipline.
a. How anyone can deny that she is ideally suited and equipped for this role or that such is a peculiar responsibility of the woman is beyond men.
b. Sometimes, though, fathers attempt to place the whole responsibility for caring for children on the mother, but we have seen that the father has responsibilities in this as well.
4. Mothers are to love their children,
Titus 2:4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
a. This is not the word agapao, but the word philoteknos, and it suggests the natural emotional love which the mother should have for her children.
b. Tender, loving care, affection, warmth, sacrifice, toil and hope are all a part of this love.
5. Mothers are to rule the household,
1 Tim.5:14 Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
a. There is a sphere of responsibility in the home which is best ruled by the mother; yet this is exercised under the general authority of her husband.
b. Husbands need to realize that their wives are the "queen of the house."
6. Mothers are to be workers at home,
Titus 2:4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
a. "Home workers," not "house workers"
b. A mother who neglects her "home-work" for whatever outside activities is giving an opportunity for the world to blaspheme the word of God.
E. In general, parents need to provide their children with:
1. The security of a stable home life.
2. Confidence and trust
3. Instruction and guidance
4. Companionship
5. A good example
6. Discipline
7. Recognition and praise for their achievements
8. Responsibility and hard work
9. A measure of freedom to act on their own
10. And last, but not least, love
III. CONCLUSION
A. The greatest thing parents can do for their children is to
become and continue to be faithful Christians, for in this way alone can they be brought up to:
1. To love and respect for God
2. To appreciate and obey Christ
3. To be directed by the Holy Spirit's word
4. To become spiritually mature as faithful Christians themselves
B. If you have not yet done this for your children, there isn't
a better time than right now to do it.